But I'm Not Her.


We all know her. The woman with a full-time job, 3 kids, beautiful home, and somehow still finds time to volunteer at church every Sunday, lead two women’s bible studies, and bring meals to the homeless shelter. The same one who makes sure her daily devotion is posted every morning on Facebook along with the motivational caption beneath it. It’s amazing, really. Talk about a true woman of God, right?

But to be honest, amazing turns to defeating quicker than I could shamefully open my bible app after reading her post. Except that bible app somehow closes even quicker than I could even open it.

“God, I’m sorry. I just don’t have the time this morning. I promise I will tomorrow” I tell Him as I sulk my way into the shower to ultimately wash off the guilt of not being like “her”. If only I could make God as proud of me as I’m sure He is of her.

She shows up to every sermon as perky as ever, and sometimes it’s a struggle for me to even get to church. She has a million notes written all over her bible I see on social media, and my bible still remains with only the first few chapters highlighted. She has John 3:16 plastered all over the back of her car, and I still have to watch my words while I’m in traffic. All those things she does, I just can’t seem to make happen right now. Life continues to be too busy and overwhelming to set aside time for all that. And from there, failure quickly enters my heart and defines my existence in one moment of disappointment.

I just know I could never compare.

But here’s the thing about God. God doesn’t show up looking for the balloons and the confetti. He doesn’t show up discouraged because our Bibles don't have the fancy quotes doodled in it. And He doesn’t expect every Sunday at church to feel like we just won a million dollars.

But here's what God does do-

He shows up in the car on the way to work after you were late driving your kids to school.
He shows up in the hospital room after just receiving the news of your father’s disease.
He shows up after you find out you’ve failed your class.
He shows up in your tears from the depression you’ve been fighting for years.
He shows up next to the fridge when are you dealing with your addiction.

He shows up- in the midst of when we think he’s left us the most or feel like it's not good enough for him. Where we think moments may be the most insignificant, God expects it to be the most ignitingGod doesn’t require a fancy introduction, a perfect record, or the world to think we’ve got it all together with Him. The only thing He requires from us is a humble presence and an exposed heart.

He desires a heart that pauses to prays. Prays on the walk into our work building. Prays while we cook dinner. or prays before picking up that phone call.
He will be there in the smallest of moments to prepare the satisfaction in knowing that no matter what season or situation I may be in, God never leaves. He never judges, like the rest of the world may, on our "Christianity" rank. He knows our hearts and continues to open it one moment and one message at a time. No amount of followers or likes on a pictures can make any of us more worthy. We may not have the same life as the woman who "looks" like she's on God's list, but it doesn't mean we can't be any more close to Him than she.

Beautiful, you are not defeated. You are not disappointed in. As a matter of fact, you're right where you need to be. 

All He asks is this, 
Find the simple moments.
Keep your heart uncovered.
And find Jesus at the center. 

Because no matter what, God is right where you need Him to be. 

Halle HillmanComment